Tuesday, August 12, 2008
An open letter to Jesus
Hey it's me. This will be brief. Did you hear about Alison Carroll? Yeah, she's the new Lara Croft. Oh you knew? Well, anyways, I know I screw up sometimes, and, like, drink a lot, and swear sometimes, and like, space out in church once in a while, and generally act inappropriately. No excuses here, I do that stuff sometimes. But I was wondering if you could throw me a bone on this one, so to speak. Like, maybe put my name into Alison’s mind and have her inexplicably look me up via the World Wide Web. I guess you could just put my phone number in her head, right? Well, you can work out the details, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job. I just thought that, ya know, maybe she could fly me out to her flat – she’s English right? Yeah, I thought so. So, like, if she could fly me out to her flat and for some reason think I was the sexiest thing she’s ever seen, that would be really great. I’m not asking for a commitment here, Jesus. I mean, if she just wants to have a romantic weekend, that would be fine with me. Maybe even preferable. Now I know you want us to bring even the small stuff to you, and that’s why I thought I’d slip this minor one in. And considering the whole Angelina thing, you really kinda owe this one to me, right? Well, it’s debatable at least. Well, kick it around, and I’ll get back with you this afternoon. Thanks dude. Oo, are these mints? Oh, they’re wax? Gross. Ok, laters.